i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
