i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
