Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
