im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
there is glitter all over my balls
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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