my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
