An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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