Swine flu. Run for my life!
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
