she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
