i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
