Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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