We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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