dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
