I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
