Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
