Me too!
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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