I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
