Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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