Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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