I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
