I just pynch a tree in the face
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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