Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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