I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
