Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We're too hungover to prance.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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