i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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