When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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