We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
