I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
