Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
