Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
