boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
