Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
there is glitter all over my balls
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