dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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