im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
