Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
