you traded sex for a burrito?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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