I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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