Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
last night I used snow as a chaser
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
