did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
