When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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