I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
