bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
