Please, let me fuck your mom
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She bit a glass in half.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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