Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
