yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
