The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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