i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
