bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
This baby is an asshole
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
