Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
