About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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