i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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