next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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