How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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