9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
