don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
