OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
